why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
