It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
