I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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