ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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