I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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