And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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