take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
