he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
