Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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