tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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