I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
