His hands were made for my vagina.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
