he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
