I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
