Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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