Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
