She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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