someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
