Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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