ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
