She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
