I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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