An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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