My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
