Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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