I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
