how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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