If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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