Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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