I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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