i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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