And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want a musical about memes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
