i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
