She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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