I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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