woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
