It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
