It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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