wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
