We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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