He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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