Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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