these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
