I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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