You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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