who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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