i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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