you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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