ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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