I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think my mom watched the whole time
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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