Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
