Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
