guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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