Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
