Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
