If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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