I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
