Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
