omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
