I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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