ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
