new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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