Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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