he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
