She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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