i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
