Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
COCAINE IS GR8
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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