Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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