i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
