My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
