32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
