But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
